I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
