Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
