dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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