im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
