i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
