Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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