I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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