I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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