How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
