I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
