i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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