if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
