I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
