oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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