she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can you bring me the toilet please
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
