Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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