i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
