i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
