two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
