Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
