I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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