My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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