I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
