Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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