Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
