I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
