Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
