I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
