I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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