you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
