Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
