is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
