What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
