It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
