how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
