I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
