She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
