just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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