I want to make a zoo with you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
