i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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