the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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