In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
