mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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