Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
