I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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