he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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