Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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