I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
