2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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