You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
