If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
